Do you know what your ‘core’ is? Don’t let anyone tell you that is the centre of your health & from there all good things grow. It is actually this tiny ball of misery that sits inside of you, calmly complacent as long as you don’t disturb it. Then one day you decide you’re going exercise. “Core” says, “Go ahead; make my day!” Did you know you can actually get cramps in your stomach muscles? In multiple spots? It’s like someone drove a fist through all that nice fat, grabbed onto your kegger & twisted twelve times. The only way to alleviate the cramping is to roll onto your stomach, drive your hips into the ground & stretch backward, trying to touch your heels with the back of your head. Then hold that position for two hours, because if you don’t you’re going to fold up like a chaise lounger.
After everything relaxed & the trainers called off the EMT’s (who all stared because none of them had seen muscles do that before on a living person that didn’t have a knife in their gut) I walked (fast mind you), on the treadmill. It really wasn’t so bad except that someone nearby either really rousted up the body odour with exercise, or they hadn’t bathed since the river broke. I was tempted to approach the person & ask “Do I stink?” “No? Good then, it’s got to be you!” But then I am sure this muscle bound tiny person would have reached into my core & ‘Bam” there I am stretching my head backward while abrading my nether regions on the concrete. The good news? I sent the crane company home because I can now lift my leg over my ride myself, with the use of some smaller apparatus’ of course. But it is Saturday and amazingly the muscles are only wimpering today. I’m glad because their screaming was making me nuttier than Lindsey Lohan at a cocaine smorg. Oh yeah, life goes on!