yesterday. today. tomorrow.

I can’t say that I really understand this yearning to not die – to get fit & healthy.  I can only put it down to becoming more aware of my own mortality as I approach the big six oh.  But OMG (don’t you just hate that one), does it have to be so hard?  I moved my Monday appointment (cardio day) to Tuesday, because I was off having tonnes of fun with family, singing, laughing & of course lots of wonderful food.  So Tuesday was cardio day – or as they affectionately refer ‘core day’!  I think they like to work you so that when you are face down in the toilette recycling your breakfast, you are so aware of your ‘inner self’ that you actually pinch off your throat ’cause you can feel your sphincter starting to move upward.  Plus there’s crunches – a million of them – my stomach should be like my hardwood floor, shiny & flat – not this molten slag that slops around when I move!   THEN, 24 hours later it’s ‘upper body’ day!  Let’s start with balancing your sorry ass over 1/3 of a ball that gives you a platform narrower than your shoulders on which to perform these horrible, horrible exercises.  While I didn’t decline to do the push ups (much to my chagrin) I did refuse to use that silly platform & just embarrassed myself on the floor.  Three sets of twelve!  Well I digress to my earlier musings about useless appendages for days following.  They really do become so useless that it takes you twice as long to shower, change, brush your teeth.  I’m thinking of modifying one of those robo floor vacuums into a personal valet – maybe I’ll call on the Big Bang boys?  Although in real life apparently Miss Penny is closer to a doctorate than any of the other characters.   Well today was ‘lower body’!  Why don’t they just say it?  “Today we’re going to give you leg cramps.  We’ll start in your calves & graduate to your thighs.  And if you’re still upright after that we’ll see if we can get you to projectile vomit.”  All I want right now if the peaceful bliss of either sleep or death.  I have to work a rodeo tonight – I get into the arena with the bulls & broncs & try not to get run over.  I am afraid that the way all my muscles feel right now they just may revolt on me at a crucial moment – like when there’s 2,000 lbs of cranky Brahma snapping around the arena, & I’ll drop underneath him like Romeo swooning over Juliet.  I hope they have good paramedics on tonight!  I’ll let y’all know how it goes!  Have a great day & a grand Thanksgiving weekend.  Take a moment to think of all you have to be thankful for.  I am grateful to have enough health to engage in this torture & then amuse you with my ramblings.  Thank you for listening.

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